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The Ease of Marriage



If you are married, the title of this blog probably caught your attention. Well, with Valentine's Day soon approaching and with "love being in the air"... these are my thoughts from within...

The general opinion of marriage today is that it is difficult. It takes a lot of hard work to sustain. That it is not always so blissful. In fact, the hard work that is said it takes to make a marriage work is often cited as the reason so many marriages end in divorce.

After our wedding, I remember a certain couple who- week after week- kept asking my wife and I if "the honeymoon was over," suggesting that the happiness we were enjoying would wane over time. Both my wife and I were very disheartened at this suggestion. Not because we feared our joy would lessen over time, but because everyone else- it seemed- shared the same outlook on their marriage. But for my wife and me, it hasn't come to that. In thirteen years, our passion for each other hasn't weakened. Do we always agree? No. But we always get along. We always put the other first. We both make sacrifices for each other, so in that regard it is work... but I wouldn't say it's hard work by any means. Especially if you understand the idea of sacrificial love. The same love our Savior extended to each of us and his bride, the church.

The idea that so many people, especially those who claim to be Christians, struggle in their marriages still perplexes me. Over time, I have seen many marriages struggle or even fall apart- including the above-mentioned couple- and here is the common factor: No sacrifice.

Men don't want to sacrifice their "me" time. Women don't want to sacrifice their "me" time. Often they have separate desires. They desire things instead of each other and this materialism separates the couple even further. More often than not, the focus never shifts from self to spouse when vows are exchanged. 

Before I married, I enjoyed many things. I hung out with my roommates in college and enjoyed their company. We played video games, attended ballgames, played intramural sports, and golfed. I even enjoyed time by myself, away from my buddies and people in general.  I longed for these moments of entertainment and peace, but when my wife and I exchanged our vows, God completed me and He changed my desires. Though I did still enjoy my friendships and hobbies, my longing for them decreased. When friends wanted me to spend time with them after I married, I discovered that I became eager for that time to end so I could return to my bride. Even the perspective of my hobbies changed. I began to enjoy them more when doing them in the company of my wife as opposed to doing them with my buddies. It got to the point that I no longer wanted to hang out with them. No longer did I want to spend my free time playing video games or sports. Instead, I wanted to spend all my time with my bride. I wanted to embrace our relationship and discover new things about her everyday. Even though I had known her since I was thirteen years old, I just felt as though there was more I needed to discover.

I have known my wife for 24 years (13 of those married), and I am still learning more and more about her each day. And the more I learn, the more I love. She simply amazes me in every aspect of our life. She works hard. She loves our home and family. She supports me. She trusts me. She accepts me, despite my innumerable failures. She desires to grow spiritually. She desires for me and our children to grow spiritually. She is the epitome of the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.

For my wife and me, it has been a breeze and we are with each other 24/7 (we work together). I don't say that bragging. I say that humbly as simple fact. You don't know how many times we've been asked, "How to you do it? I could never work with my wife/husband." For us, though, it is thoroughly enjoyable and we wouldn't want it any other way.

There are so many biblical exhortations on sustaining a Godly marriage throughout the New Testament (See Eph. 5:22-33; I Pet. 3:1-7), but sadly, they are not applied by most Christian couples. The biggest, and mostly missed, application is that of sacrifice. Just like Jesus Christ gave of Himself for his bride, we too must give sacrificially of ourselves to our spouse. If we view marriage in the light of, "What have you done for me lately," we've missed the point of the union. Instead, ask, "What can I do for you today?" Shift the focus from self to spouse. Put yourself (and your desires) aside and replace it with (God first and then) your spouse (and their desires). That is the only way the honeymoon doesn't end.



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